Fears and Faith

June 5, 2011 Sunday

Bible Institute

Almaty, Kazakhstan

On mission with Jesus.

It was quite interesting to try to understand my emotions the last few days. I found myself in retrospect wanting two things: to run away or to be in the midst of the teaching in Shymkent. Oddly enough I did not find myself excited per se about the adventure. Every modern comfort and amenity of our life in Klaidpeda became so important to me. “Oh this food or that convenience or that easy life.” 

On Friday, at my office I puttered around getting very little done yet loathing to leave the familiarity of the surroundings. Why? I think I was genuinely afraid. I was afraid that with the heat I would be useless, that I would therefore fail as a team member and then as a teacher.

To be honest, I also feared the small dangers of the big city. Klaipeda of 200,000 feels like home and is safe to me. I know where I can go, when I can go, and how to be safe. In essence, I am at home in my surroundings in Klaipeda.

On the other hand, Almaty, I million people, is reputed to have many pick pockets and unethical taxi drivers who might do anything from over charge for the fare to take you far out and demand a lot of money to bring you back into the city.

Another reason for feeling overwhelmed by Alamty in particular and Kazakhstan in general is I totally don’t know either Russian or Kazakh. Without language I was feeling trapped: How would I talk to a taxi driver? How would I read the signs? How would I buy food at market or café? How in the world would I find the local Starbucks for Pete sake? Would I be able to find an English map or tourist guide?

There were several (many) unknowns which added to my angst. Where were we staying, near city transportation, by some fun market or handy grocery store? How would we get from the airport to where we would stay? What sights should we see, could we see considering all our language and ignorance limitations. Internet searches had yielded very little information. No travel guidebooks on Kazakhstan in English were available to me before we left.

For the first time, I felt powerless over my situation. Of course, I can see that now, but on Friday in Klaipeda and Saturday/Sunday during travel I only felt unease and desire to go home and be with my siblings, children, and grandchildren. This unease and longing for home were confusing and disconcerting for me. Why was I not my usual ready-for-adventure self?

My only comfort during those final days – and final weeks of other concerns – was that I was confident in one thing. God was calling and opening doors. It would all work out. I can trust God and His leading.

Therefore, when a wonderful brother in Christ picked us up at the airport, LCC sign held high, I had to chuckle. God indeed was not taking me to slaughter. Alexander is delightfully Baptist. His English was more than sufficient to carry on rapid conversations on the trip from airport to our current abode located far from the city center—The Bible Institute of Almaty. Believe it or not it is enclosed, has a security guard and breakfast was waiting. Our rooms are clean and inviting. Shared washrooms were adequate, complete with amenities. It is vacation time for the institute, so the students are gone, and the dorm is mostly empty.

The institute consists of one building with a large community kitchen and dining room, offices (obviously internet access), a Bible in English, pianos everywhere. It is a large building. The grounds are lovely – not manicured by any means but obviously maintained. The roses are blooming and everything is being watered.

Delightful as we flew in was the sight of the majestic, snowcapped Shan (?) Mountains of Kyrgyzstan. (Our Kyrgyz student informed us that the mountains are not part of Kazakhstan.) Anyway, they make our Rockies look like child’s play. I can imagine these mountains connect at some point with the Himalayas.

Back to the theme of this entry: God’s faithfulness. Though I have no control over these next few days. God does. He has provided not only a place to stay but a retreat. The location is quiet and safe. There is a YWAM feel to the hospitality and simplicity of life. If I go nowhere else, but remain here and enjoy a few days of meditation and reflection, I will be fulfilled. Oh and would you believe, it was not hot when we landed! Our housing is not hot and the campus is fully shaded and delightful.

Dear Father, thank you for giving me enough faith to trust you in leading me here. Help me to trust your provision for every aspect of this journey. You are totally amazing. You have provided more than I could ask or think. Lead on.

Your Montana girl,

 Maxine.